{"id":5337,"date":"2019-12-18T14:21:38","date_gmt":"2019-12-18T21:21:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rodbinder.com\/journal\/?p=5337"},"modified":"2019-12-18T16:28:26","modified_gmt":"2019-12-18T23:28:26","slug":"dec-18-2019-a","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/rodbinder.com\/journal\/2019\/12\/18\/dec-18-2019-a\/","title":{"rendered":"DEC 18 2019 Surrender"},"content":{"rendered":"

“At some point, you just learn to surrender to your path.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yolanda Hadid<\/strong><\/p>\n

I needed to travel a hundred miles to go see a doc today. Just wasn’t in the budget. Shit happens, the real battle I needed to fight right now was for heat.<\/p>\n

I needed to chainsaw wood. More snow inbound tonight. I managed to get logs cut, a load brought into the shop. I did have to lay in the snow for a few moments to rest. I am back inside now.<\/p>\n

Heart is hurting, short of breath. I need to check my blood O2 levels. My wrist is almost dead. I have to rest before I split the wood. That works out since I spilled gas on the generator. I would have to wait until that was safe to use. I never spill, but my hands were shakey.<\/p>\n

I am almost out of fuel, payday is Friday. The cheapest fuel is at Costco. I have ten fuel cans already in the van. After a hundred-mile trip each way I can return home with fuel and maybe some groceries. I am not excited about travelling to the city just before Christmas.<\/p>\n

And just imagine the evil stares I am going to get when I pull ten 5 gallon gas cans out of the van to fill in the Costco line up at this time of year on a Friday.<\/p>\n

Soon I will startup the gen and split the four big logs I brought in, after that is done I need to transport the load of firewood into the fire room. Then collect more snow to melt for filtering into drinking water, or in my case coffee water.<\/p>\n

Then I get to rest, maybe make something to eat.<\/p>\n

I remember I tried to play a video game called the sims a long time ago. In the game, you have to get up work, sleep and repeat, and then I had a kitchen fire and my child died. What a horrible game it was just like life. I never played it again.<\/p>\n

My life now is repetitive, monotonous and difficult. The last 8 years have been the most difficult of my life, but I keep getting up and doing what needs doing. Lately, it seems it is all I can accomplish, just the survival stuff. Heat, water, food, sleep. It is enough I really didn’t need the extra battles, I cant seem to get any of the things I want to get done, my 55 chevy, tiny house build and more.<\/p>\n

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Face is frozen<\/p><\/div>\n

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stacked in case the incoming snow is deep<\/p><\/div>\n

\"\"<\/a>\u00a0 \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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