“At some point, you just learn to surrender to your path.”
Yolanda Hadid
I needed to travel a hundred miles to go see a doc today. Just wasn’t in the budget. Shit happens, the real battle I needed to fight right now was for heat.
I needed to chainsaw wood. More snow inbound tonight. I managed to get logs cut, a load brought into the shop. I did have to lay in the snow for a few moments to rest. I am back inside now.
Heart is hurting, short of breath. I need to check my blood O2 levels. My wrist is almost dead. I have to rest before I split the wood. That works out since I spilled gas on the generator. I would have to wait until that was safe to use. I never spill, but my hands were shakey.
I am almost out of fuel, payday is Friday. The cheapest fuel is at Costco. I have ten fuel cans already in the van. After a hundred-mile trip each way I can return home with fuel and maybe some groceries. I am not excited about travelling to the city just before Christmas.
And just imagine the evil stares I am going to get when I pull ten 5 gallon gas cans out of the van to fill in the Costco line up at this time of year on a Friday.
Soon I will startup the gen and split the four big logs I brought in, after that is done I need to transport the load of firewood into the fire room. Then collect more snow to melt for filtering into drinking water, or in my case coffee water.
Then I get to rest, maybe make something to eat.
I remember I tried to play a video game called the sims a long time ago. In the game, you have to get up work, sleep and repeat, and then I had a kitchen fire and my child died. What a horrible game it was just like life. I never played it again.
My life now is repetitive, monotonous and difficult. The last 8 years have been the most difficult of my life, but I keep getting up and doing what needs doing. Lately, it seems it is all I can accomplish, just the survival stuff. Heat, water, food, sleep. It is enough I really didn’t need the extra battles, I cant seem to get any of the things I want to get done, my 55 chevy, tiny house build and more.
Face is frozen
stacked in case the incoming snow is deep
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